fromfiction:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the question of kin and marginalized groups lately, because it keeps coming up, and I think I’ve finally come to an understanding about the whole issue.

If you’re not a member of a marginalized group, you shouldn’t try to speak for members of that group. Ever. That includes telling others what is and isn’t offensive to these groups.

And if you are a member of a marginalized group, that still doesn’t give you the right to speak for all members of that group on matters that are not under a consensus. Yes, you are the authority on what is harmful and offensive to you, and you have every right to be offended by whatever behavior offends you. But you don’t have the right to dictate that it’s harmful to all members of that group, unless the group as a whole has expressed that opinion.

You are the authority on what is harmful to you. Put your comfort and safety first by all means, but do not jeopardize the safety of others to do it.

When you ask kin and multiples to change, or get rid of, or silence aspects of themselves that they have no control of, you are asking them to do very real, certain, emotional and psychological harm to themselves, in order to avoid potential harm to others you have decided *might* be at risk.

There is a saying ‘don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm’, and that is what you are asking them to do. You are asking them to harm themselves to avoid potential harm to others.

When kin and multiples post about their experiences on their own blogs, and in generic kin tags, they are not automatically doing harm. If you feel harmed by what they are posting, please, by all means block them. Even privately encourage your friends you feel might be harmed by their posts to block them. But do not encourage others to do harm to themselves to keep you safe.

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What to do if you see someone who is is kin of a character belonging to a marginalized group that they are not a member of (race, disability, etc):

if you are a member of that marginalized group and you feel offended or harmed:

• block them so you can’t see their posts and they can’t see yours. Your comfort, mental health, and identity are important!

if you are not a member of that marginalized group and you feel offended:

• block them so you can’t see their posts and they can’t see yours, and move on. It is none of your business.

What to do if you see someone who is kin of a character belonging to a marginalized group that they are not a member of, and they are attempting to speak for members of that group or invade spaces specifically set out for that group:

• remind them that they are no longer a member of that group and their behavior is completely unacceptable!